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Their standards are high. We are busy, working.

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The latest gossip there was about a twentysomething man who had been arrested and accused of sleeping with a high school student. In general, they are friendly and eager to chat about common interests in books, movies, languages, or travel.

The country is in the middle of something of a sex crisis. Baishun is the practice of Japanese teenage girls, usually high schoolers, selling sex to older men online.

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She tells me she hopes to get to know people gradually, starting as friends. Soon my inbox bleeps with a message—not from her, but from the site, whose strict rules I have unwittingly violated. On a recent trip there, I often asked people if they or their friends were involved with web dating, and time and again they shook their heads.

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But while stigma severely dampened online dating for a while, something surprising happened that changed the scene. The same open spirit animates Airbnb relationships, like the casual friendship a young New Yorker might strike up with a Parisian clown teacher by borrowing a room in her flat when he swings through town.

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Twenty-five women from Kyoto and Okayama message me in the weeks that I am registered on Pairs. Somebody who will openly discuss meeting romantic partners online. Online dating in Japan has a shady history, which is part of the reason people are less comfortable with it than they are in the U.

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Japanese dating apps started requiring logins through Facebook, providing users with a certain degree of confidence. Dating platforms are tools shaped by how they are used—by users, not makers.

In New York City, where I live, meeting potential partners digitally is normal: I would reply once, she would reply the day after.